Three approaches when for asking for advice

It is a sunny Tuesday in Fort Lauderdale Florida. The scenery looks very relaxed.

A bunch of guys lounging in their sun chairs. While wearing their sunglasses they are frequently grabbing their drink beside the chairs. These guys are obviously enjoying the sun.

Maybe you get the wrong impression. It looks that this is a group of man on holiday.
But they are not. The environment is very holydaish. But their brains are in a different state.

These six entrepreneurs are mastering their minds three times a year. 
Every time they meet for their Mastermind, the key objective is to share their actuall challenges and figure out how to overcome it.

This time Peter is presenting his challenge.

"So Peter, what´s your question?" one of his peers is asking.
"This is obvious. My question is: "Should I hire this person or not?" Peter replies.

His question is followed by a 20 minute discussion with everybody in the group.
Being one of them would make you observe the following. 
As long as the group is trying to encourage him, he comes up with good reasons why this is a bad idea. 

"What if the potential candidate is stealing his ideas?
What if his company is loosing image because the new employee has a different character?"

Then it gets interesting. After a few minutes Thomas is questioning Peters idea.
Now Peter starts to protect it. He comes up with logical reasons, why this candidate is a great choice.

Suddenly it get´s quite. Because of a bold statement Thomas made earlier. 
"What is your question then? You have made your choice already."

Having said this, there comes some tension. You can see how they all are exchanging looks.
Finally all eyes are on Peter.Only eight weeks later he is making a decision, nobody expected.

Now you don´t have to be an entrepreneur to experience that. You can also be affected by being a partner, a parent, a performer or someone who is having conversations with others.

When it comes to asking for advice, there are three different approaches.

1) The improvement approach
In this case your are  looking for the 'success-advice'. This is the search for new perspectives from our mentors, coaches or people we look up to.

Exploring new ways of doing things is also the foundation for personal growth.
You may heard the phrase: "Be the best you" or "Become the best you can be".

This is a life long journey where it´s all about expand your knowledge and improve your skills.

2) The irresponsible approach
This one I have experienced myself. I am guilty of this too.
Sometime when I was asking someone else for their perspective, I was looking for their approval.

Every time I followed this unconscious behavior, I gave away my independence.
You probably won´t like this. Being aware of this habit is the key to living a self determined life. 

Acting irresponsible is when we know the answer already but we are not sure about it.
In this case we ask others, if we should start a new job, begin a fancy diet, buy these new pair of shoes (or two of them). 

Or vice versa. We want others to tell us if we should give up our relationship, cancel our latest membership or quit our daily job. This comes down to a lack confidence.

Deep inside you already know the answer, but your mind giving you some doubts. Like it happened to Peter.

Even if Peter acts very confident in so many areas of life. You would never expect him to ask for approval.
But we are all human. And we all have our moments. Don´t we :-)

3) The approach of neediness

When lacking motivation we tend to tap into the enthusiasm of others. In this case we think we are asking for other peoples opinion. The truth is a bit different. Below the surface we are looking for other peoples excitement for our ideas or challenges.

Never let other people take decisions that impact your life. Do it yourself. 
Easier said then done. I know. 

The big rewards in life come from being brave and taking bold decisions.

Before I end this one, I have to add one more thing regarding Peter.
About two months later he didn't´t hired a new employee.

He hired two. He knew, what is the right thing to do. 

So do you.

Be brave and act bold now.
It´s the way, to have no regrets today.

Max Bormann  

Photocredits to Jonathan Simcoe and unsplash.com