When hard work kills self esteem right away.

This is for all people who are giving a lot and expecting something back.

Are you on of these people who act passionate in life or in business?

The truth is, this positive behavior can backfire.
Even worse, it can kill your self esteem within a second.

Like it happened to this guy who worked as a sales manager for one of the leading running shoe companies. 

It is two weeks before christmas. The company is holding their annual sales meetings. Like most of these meetings, they start with a review followed by rewards.

It happened during the first night, when Barry, the sales director, honored the best and hardworking employees. He was just finished with the sales reps rewards and now started to praise the best managers. 

Standing in the crowd and listening to Barry made me excited.
My first year as a sales manager was all about blood, sweat and tears. 

Never before I have worked that hard and intense like the last 12 months. I´ve made so many sacrifices. I had less time with my loved ones.

When i was at home, I was working a lot. Also i was missing out on sports. While my friends where having a great time together, i was notably absent.

So I knew, that i deserved a glowing praise.
After Barry was calling out some names he suddenly speaks about me.

"This young guy worked his but off. Not a stone was left standing. He has so much passion about our brand. He tried everything to geht ahead." Barry said.

I was listening proudly and had butterflies in my stomach, while Barry was going ahead. "Now let´s have him on stage. Dear people, give it up for Billy."

A hurricane applause started and I got confused.
"There is no way, that Billy the bookcase is outperforming me here." I said to myself.

Immediately I sinked into insignificance.
First I felt sad. Than worthless. Finally I got angry.

So i had the same thoughts like one of the most successful women in soccer.
The former German goal keeper Nadine Angerer.

"Ok, if they not even can say thank you, than i will work to rule now." 

The company I was in, was giving me purpose and a place where I loved to work. 
I totally Identified myself with it. 

After seven years this was all gone. Within a heartbeat.
And my confidence was gone too. 

I was angry at my boss because I deserved to get some rewards.
I didn't get them but I got some other learnings about three weeks later.

My wife and me were on vacation to Ibiza. We had sunshine all day. Temperatures about 69F and enough time to enjoy ourselves.

It was our third day when my wife came to me and said:
"Baby, what´s up with you? We have a great time but you are still struggling with something. Why is that?"

"It´s because of Barry" I said.
"I am still annoyed by the fact, that I didn't receive any praise. I have given everything to this company and they can't say thank you. I think they owe me something."

She was sitting in front of me, when she put her hands on my knees, looked me in the eyes and said: "You know what I think?"

"From my point of view, nobody owes you anything. The only person who owes you something is you. Barry never asked you for giving it all. He expects you delivering great results and there for you get paid quite well."

"By the way, did you ever asked Barry to receive a praise for your hard work?"

This just blew my mind. I was passionate about the company and the work because of myself and because of my identity. I was working that way, to fulfill my expectations about me.

Regarding Barry and delivering results I realized a bitter truth.
It was obvious that i put everything on the line.

But I missed out on achieving great results. And the company didn't pay me for input. The monthly salary they paid me was for the output.

This experience taught me a very important lesson about life and about myself.

If the praise for your hard work stays absent, you feel frustrated. 
No matter if you do something for your boss, your wife or your customer.

If that wouldn't be enough, there is one more thing I have learned.
Doing work just for getting something back, make´s you feel like being on the hunt. 

First you never get what you expect.

Second you´ll fail on achieving anything relevant in life. You are betraying your self, if your work is based on that external praises.

Third. Give what you have but never expect something back.

Life´s purpose and happiness is about yourself and what you want to embrace in life. 

Next time you put in your hours, get clear on these four things:

1. What´s the purpose of this?
   Do I want to please others (my customer, my boss or my spouse) or myself?
2. Which goal comes closer, when I am done with this work?
   No specific goal yet? Don't waste your valuable time for nothing.
3. If you achieve that goal, what does that mean to you?
4. Ask yourself every day: "What do I owe myself today?"

Now go out there and do something which works for you.

Always stay curious. 

Max Bormann